I got told tonight I was getting hung up on a girl... pretty annoying when that happens (not an expert I promise) I find. Truth is its probably true. There is a girl, I do like her but I don't think anything's gonna happen - either because I don't have the words or she doesn't have the feelings (still not sure which though). In a way now I am going along with the idea for the kicks, as well as the feelings. Regardless for the moment I cant let her drop.
Admitting that last line about kicks to myself made me realise something; I still haven't changed. I promised I would (a long time ago) leave off being a loner and a thinker and become a social and people person. Its a tough change, really tough. When your on you own stuff is os easy, you are the most interesting person there, you are right etc. etc. Being the highly educated, highly considered and highly opinionated person I am being a loner sits well with my personality.
I have changed alot though, I have a friend who thinks much the same way as I do but is still up for a good discussion about it. I just can't get on with people who don't stimulate or interest me any more.
Which leads me back to the first point, being hung up on a girl. Ok so I can't let her drop just yet but the friends evidence was the fact I nnever really go out with 'the lads' anymore and never really tried to 'pull' anyone. But the truth is it is the lone streak shining out still - very few people stimulate or interest me at the moment, the few that do I am already at the stage of closeness where it doens matter or I just know them from online. Im not sure if I am happy with this situation or not, probably a bit of both. If nothing else it gives me a chance to bitch (and to write a page of self indulgent pap like this :))
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Dare to dream
All of us have done it - many times. Dream of that girl, the promotion, that life you could have. Call it fantasy or ambition whatever - we've all been there. I get it alot when I work late into the night - or as tonight AVOID work late into the night. I've been sat here for several hours supposedly writing a website that was meant to be finished weeks ago. I like to listen to quite dark music while I work, to blot out the noise and distractions. Stuff like Linkin Park, Creed, Within Temptation and so on.
I just caught myself sat staring contemplatively at my laptop screen - with the same song on repeat over and over again - dreaming. I think sometimes it's good to get lost in those fantasies. Mine usually consist of heroics, secrets, betrayals and war - kinda reflecting the music I'm listening to :) The moral? Dare to dream, it is worth it. But (and this is where I'm going to go against what your mother would tell you) don't forget that truly anything IS possible if you try hard enough. She will say yes, you will be the hero, you can save lives, destroy bad men, save the world. But only if you never give up.
Of course in the true spirit of hypocrisy I do it all the time (pretty much every day in one case) which either puts me in the perfect position to preach this or makes me a stuck up prick (please don't tell me which ;-) )
Oh and that song? One of the finest ever written. "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park. Look to the lyrics:
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
We are sent into this life to be trialled, if you face up to it you can do anything
(PS I hate 4am..)
I just caught myself sat staring contemplatively at my laptop screen - with the same song on repeat over and over again - dreaming. I think sometimes it's good to get lost in those fantasies. Mine usually consist of heroics, secrets, betrayals and war - kinda reflecting the music I'm listening to :) The moral? Dare to dream, it is worth it. But (and this is where I'm going to go against what your mother would tell you) don't forget that truly anything IS possible if you try hard enough. She will say yes, you will be the hero, you can save lives, destroy bad men, save the world. But only if you never give up.
Of course in the true spirit of hypocrisy I do it all the time (pretty much every day in one case) which either puts me in the perfect position to preach this or makes me a stuck up prick (please don't tell me which ;-) )
Oh and that song? One of the finest ever written. "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park. Look to the lyrics:
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
We are sent into this life to be trialled, if you face up to it you can do anything
(PS I hate 4am..)
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Back 2 Leeds
Short post today. Firstly because Im off out to dinner in about 30 seconds and secondly because I have a hangover :( drank WAY too much last night so I am sworn off booze.. maybe
I moved back up to Leeds yesterday which was pretty frentic - and was greeted upon opening the door by a dead rat. Lovely. My mother went ape shit over it..
I've been listening to the Frays début album again today. I bought it a while back but never really listened to it. Second time of listening it is VERY VERY good. Rich and varied and a great addition to any collection.
That's it for now. Food time!
I moved back up to Leeds yesterday which was pretty frentic - and was greeted upon opening the door by a dead rat. Lovely. My mother went ape shit over it..
I've been listening to the Frays début album again today. I bought it a while back but never really listened to it. Second time of listening it is VERY VERY good. Rich and varied and a great addition to any collection.
That's it for now. Food time!
Friday, April 13, 2007
The Myspace invasion
I've been away for nearly a week with no internet and it has been HELL :) I got back to a flood of emails from people I forgot to tell I was away... so 80+ of them to go through in a second. Luckily my gaming clan hasn't exploded again in the last week so most of it is mundane business type stuff.
The time away has let me catch up on some reading, which is one good thing I suppose. I've been looking through 2 good references on Javascript and CSS to brush up on my skills. I've also been reading the latest .net magazine.
Which leads me to the crux of this post. The mag runs a regular feature with 3 designers competing to design a website - this week for it was a website for an MP. The thing that got me was that one designer used Myspace. I get his point about it begin such an essential advertising tool nowadays but I disagree it can be a legitimate base for a full website. At the most it is a separate interfacing tool to a different genre of people or at the least a backup web presence.
Regardless I think using it as a base for a site design in a 'competition' can hardly be legitimised! To me it shows a lack of vision and expertise.
However it seems this is the way people are going nowadays - using reams of similar templates and designs to reel out mounds of boring faceless sites.
The time away has let me catch up on some reading, which is one good thing I suppose. I've been looking through 2 good references on Javascript and CSS to brush up on my skills. I've also been reading the latest .net magazine.
Which leads me to the crux of this post. The mag runs a regular feature with 3 designers competing to design a website - this week for it was a website for an MP. The thing that got me was that one designer used Myspace. I get his point about it begin such an essential advertising tool nowadays but I disagree it can be a legitimate base for a full website. At the most it is a separate interfacing tool to a different genre of people or at the least a backup web presence.
Regardless I think using it as a base for a site design in a 'competition' can hardly be legitimised! To me it shows a lack of vision and expertise.
However it seems this is the way people are going nowadays - using reams of similar templates and designs to reel out mounds of boring faceless sites.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
"Got the sexual frustration..."
Before you start nodding sagely the title is a song lyric from a fantastically cool band called Arcaica - punk rock to the extreme (the song is called sex on a hot tin roof and is worth a listen). No I am one of those apparently weird breed of men (and probably women too) who don't simply live for sex - it's so boring how the topic of conversation in a group of men always ends up on that topic.... ANYWAY...
My own oddities aside I just read a really funny sex related group on Facebook. Te group was something like "Top things men should not do in bed to women". Some of the stuff was pretty funny and scarily true (considering it was written by a teenage girl who - lets face it - was mostly making it up). That sentence was ever so slightly pretentious considering I am only 2 years senior but ah well :). Regardless the funniest bit was one guys response - to post a list for women to consider. It was very tongue in cheek and highly rude dealing with threesomes, anal and hand jobs - you get the picture (some good tips there as well though girls ;)).
The interesting thing was actually the responses. Ranging from outraged women, through outraged blokes (at the women), some guys with posts like 'yeh suck my dick bitch' and the level headed sensible people who realised it was a joke. The really interesting one was a girl who made the point "all you girlies outraged at the idea of anal first should try it and then stop pretending you represent the whole female sect". Its a fair point (a similar one was made by a guy soon after) and one that shows up alot about peoples image of sex. The poster of that last message seemed a very sexually open person and talked about exploring new things - she seemed a rarity in the entire thread, the women defaulted to "ugh" and the men to the nodding "uh huh.. (but we've never dared try it..)".
Its not just the topic of sex - people have such strict boundaries regarding all sorts of things. And it's really annoying! Going back to sex, people will say hey I hate anal - what they mean is I'm scared of trying it and don't know who I can trust to try it with. Did that kind of attitude invent the light bulb????
Ok so I'm not trying to say lets get back to the hippy idea of free love and stuff like that but why not explore your boundaries rather than just set them! When you reach something you don't like, stop... I mean I've never eaten snake but I'm not going to tell you I don't like it! I don't like the idea but if I get the chance I will try it - I might miss out on something really good otherwise.
Ultimately my point is we have got REALLY boring as people (leaving the sex aside here and looking more generally). Lets stop being prude, uptight, scared and sensible and go mad a bit. I have some friends who go half way there and their the most fun people I know!!! It can't hurt really can it?
Were not monkeys any more.
I'm going to start posting blogs a bit more too (and send the personal stuff to blogger too) seeing as this is getting a bit of interest beyond the occasional good tutorial. So look out for some more regular snippets and personal stuff alongside the usual PHP / deisgn stuff :)
My own oddities aside I just read a really funny sex related group on Facebook. Te group was something like "Top things men should not do in bed to women". Some of the stuff was pretty funny and scarily true (considering it was written by a teenage girl who - lets face it - was mostly making it up). That sentence was ever so slightly pretentious considering I am only 2 years senior but ah well :). Regardless the funniest bit was one guys response - to post a list for women to consider. It was very tongue in cheek and highly rude dealing with threesomes, anal and hand jobs - you get the picture (some good tips there as well though girls ;)).
The interesting thing was actually the responses. Ranging from outraged women, through outraged blokes (at the women), some guys with posts like 'yeh suck my dick bitch' and the level headed sensible people who realised it was a joke. The really interesting one was a girl who made the point "all you girlies outraged at the idea of anal first should try it and then stop pretending you represent the whole female sect". Its a fair point (a similar one was made by a guy soon after) and one that shows up alot about peoples image of sex. The poster of that last message seemed a very sexually open person and talked about exploring new things - she seemed a rarity in the entire thread, the women defaulted to "ugh" and the men to the nodding "uh huh.. (but we've never dared try it..)".
Its not just the topic of sex - people have such strict boundaries regarding all sorts of things. And it's really annoying! Going back to sex, people will say hey I hate anal - what they mean is I'm scared of trying it and don't know who I can trust to try it with. Did that kind of attitude invent the light bulb????
Ok so I'm not trying to say lets get back to the hippy idea of free love and stuff like that but why not explore your boundaries rather than just set them! When you reach something you don't like, stop... I mean I've never eaten snake but I'm not going to tell you I don't like it! I don't like the idea but if I get the chance I will try it - I might miss out on something really good otherwise.
Ultimately my point is we have got REALLY boring as people (leaving the sex aside here and looking more generally). Lets stop being prude, uptight, scared and sensible and go mad a bit. I have some friends who go half way there and their the most fun people I know!!! It can't hurt really can it?
Were not monkeys any more.
I'm going to start posting blogs a bit more too (and send the personal stuff to blogger too) seeing as this is getting a bit of interest beyond the occasional good tutorial. So look out for some more regular snippets and personal stuff alongside the usual PHP / deisgn stuff :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
